Особенности стоматологии и торговли

Бля-я-я!!! – выл я про себя, держась за щеку и направляясь 31 декабря 1998 года на работу. Зайдя в кабинет, я посмотрелся в зеркало и заметил, что за время нахождения в транспорте флюс увеличился в размерах.
– Нихуя себе! – почему-то обрадовался мой напарник Костя моему виду, – Что это у тебя?
– Минет неудачно сделал! – пытался шутить я.
– Тебе к врачу надо! – уже с теплотой в голосе отозвался друг.
– Что Вы говорите, коллега! А я планировал в Бутырку съездить.<br Жрец />
– Есть у меня врачиха знакомая, поехали, – решительно сказал Костя и натянул мне на голову шапку, – Только по дороге конфеты и цветы купим. Ствол в сейфе положи.
– Зачем?
– А нахуя мне на территории труп дантиста.

Увидев мое ебло, шеф выделил свою машину и разрешил убыть для приведения морды в порядок. Перед самым выходом из Управления я встретил знакомую адвокатессу, которая как раз шла меня поздравить. Однако, увидев на моем лице боль, муку и желание порвать любого, она со словами: «Сан Санчик, с Новым годом, с новым счастьем!» fake oakleys вручила внушительный пакет и побежала дальше.
Через 20 минут я сидел в кресле стоматолога, а через 30 минут с улыбкой до ушей я пытался выразить слова благодарности врачу и другу. Но онемевший от хорошей анестезии язык (врач-то свой), выдавал какие-то непонятные звуки и трели.
– Не мычи, заебал! Спасибо Вам доктор и с Новым годом! – сказал за меня Костя.
– ШШПАШШИБОА, – все еще идиотски улыбаясь, извращал я русскую речь.
Мы сели в машину. Коллега запустил двигатель. Я вспомнил про пакет и заглянул. В нем лежала бутылка «Джонни Уокера» и бутылка «Самбуки».
– ТЫ ШШТА БУДЕШ!
– Дай виски хлебну, – отозвался друг и Fake Ray Bans взял у меня из рук пузырь.
– А я ШАМБУКОУ, – промямлил я и отхлебнул грамм 150 этой анисовой гадости, – ХОРРАШШО!

По дороге мы заехали еще в пару мест и в контору явились к 13 часам. Трезвых в своем родном учреждении не наблюдалось. Странная вещь – общий стол не сервирован, но все уже пьяные. Мы с Костей прошли к шефу в кабинет. Этот гамадрил, увидев меня улыбающимся и с полупустой бутылкой торчащей из кармана дубленки, по-отечески поинтересовался санитарным состоянием моего рта.
– Нормально, товарищ подполковник, вырвали.
– Дверь прикройте, – кивнул начальник на дверь и поставил на стол 3 рюмки, тарелку с колбасой и бутылку водки, – Знаете, что с подчиненными не пью, но с вами завсегда.

Не успели мы закусить и закурить, как в кабинет без стука влетел его заместитель Витя Бочкин. Он нервничал, но был уже навеселе.
– Мужики!!! – заорал Витя, обращаясь к нам с Костей, – Беда, бля!!! Представляете, дочке пообещал к Новому году хомячка подарить с клеткой, а закрутился и забыл. Сегодня заехал в пару зоомагазинов, а там одни тортилы и ошейники. Надо что-то делать. Помогите. Вы же ушлые, как караси. Меня жена и дочка порвут, а wholesale jerseys теща кастрирует, что ее любимую внучку зять алкоголик без животины оставил.
– А Wholesale nfl Jerseys мы где его найдем? – пытался я отказаться от охоты за грызуном.
– Ну, мужики, – скривил жалостливую рожу Витя, – Любые деньги.
– Ладно, – мы незаметно с Костей переглянулись. Шеф заметил это и тихо улыбнулся в усы, – Попробуем найти тебе хомяка.
– Деньги дать? – обрадовался Бочкин, пытаясь достать из кармана лопатник.
– Потом рассчитаемся, – ответили мы и вышли из кабинета.
Сидя в разогреваемой машине, мы обдумывали детали дальнейшего новогоднего розыгрыша Вити.
Спустя некоторое время мы нашли один зоомагазин, в котором продавались симпатичные маленькие чудовища. Мы выбрали зверюшку, клетку и корм. Теперь главное…
– Девушка, милая, – начали мы, – У нас просьба. Не могли бы Вы увеличить стоимость этого прелестного создания ровно в 50 раз, т.е. вместо 100 рублей, записать в чек 5000 рублей.
– Нет, что Вы, – испугано посмотрела на нас служительница торговли, – Это… мне нельзя… запрещено… привлекут…отъеб…
– Солнышко, – хищно заулыбался Костя, – Если Вас кто и может посадить сегодня так это мы. Чек нам discount oakley нужен для розыгрыша.
Увидев «ксивы», продавец успокоилась, а врученная мною бутылка шампанского и шоколадка превратили ангорского звереныша в животное королевских кровей.

На самом деле хомячок был симпатичным. Когда мы направлялись в кабинет шефа, каждый встречный на лестнице cheap ray bans считал необходимым его накормить и напоить. Мы тоже были не в настроении. Уже все бухают, одни мы . Одним словом зашли мы с клеткой в кабинет шефа, где уже были накрыты столы.
– Держи, Витя, зверя, – сказали мы с Костей, – Целуй ему яйца, Cheap Jerseys за то, что спас твои.
– А при чем здесь гениталии грызуна? – спросил шеф, – Нашли то вы его…
Все рассмеялись, разлили и выпили за нового члена семьи Бочкина.
– Да, кстати, Витя, возьми чек, – как бы невзначай и небрежно я протянул заму финансовый документ.
– Так…, – начал Бочкин рассматривать чек, доставая из пиджака бумажник, – Клетка – 300 рублей, корм – 50 рублей и хомячок… 5000 рубле-е-й!!! Чего!!!
– Сам сказал за любые деньги, – спокойно резюмировал Костя, – Дешевых ангорских разобрали еще вчера. Остались только cheap authentic jordans эти непальские горные хомяки.
Мы еле сдерживались. Шеф отошел к окну и закурил, мелко тряся плечами. Остальные, не зная о нашей выходке, охуевали над ценой зверя.
– Ребята, давайте после праздников отдам, – попросил Витя. Его пьяный мозг соображал туго.
– А нам что, все праздники чай пить с баранками? – откровенно удивились мы.
– Ладно я сейчас, – грустно сказал Бочкин и вышел в коридор.
– Вешаться пошел, – отметил шеф.
– Витя, – заорал я, – Мы пошутили. Ну где ты видел хомяка за пять штук. Считай это подарком для твоей дочери от нашего отдела. Иди водку пить.
Когда все окончательно накачались алкогольными продуктами, Витя сказал без злобы:
– Ну, бляди, я вас тоже когда-нибудь подъебу. А за хомяка огромное спасибо.
Слово свое сдержал, но это совсем другая история.

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